The following are important medical ideas made in service of a better future. Mostly.
“Dropitall”
Allows you to attract all potable water within a 10 ft radius. Best used in desert conditions and for the chronically dehydrated. Don’t use with a full bladder.
“Networizi”
Provides the temporary realization that everything is connected and innately political. Your media literacy increases by 300% and you see the subtext in every sentence. Only lasts for 20 seconds.
“Beepscripty”
Take this hourly handful of gel tablets to fully understand and command your technology with confidence and aplomb. They’re quite flavorful as well.
“Legacelium”
When taken everyday, this pill plugs you into the worldwide mycelium network. You are in touch with fungi all over the planet and upon your burial, your body will filter microplastics, toxins, and bad vibes out of the earth’s soil. You’ll leave behind a legacy of cleanliness, nourishment, and positivity. It’s also a hell of a trip.
“VroomZoomZoom”
Gives you the insight, interest, and motivation to create sustainable energy that can only be applied to very very cool motorcycles. We could have made it without the motorcycle stipulation, but it would solve too many problems :/
Your Obligatory Cat Photo
Available at CVS?
Gimme that Legacelium 👌🏻🙏